Snow_Snow_and more_Snow

We woke up this morning to about 4 inches of snow.  One of the girls favorite things to do is help Ron shovel the driveway in the morning before he goes to work.  They have their own shovel and everything, but we're going to have to get another one because they've started fighting over it.  So we all got bundled up this morning and went outside to play in the snow a bit.  

I was trying to get a picture of Emi eating the snow off her gloves but...
Beeba wanted to make "no balls" but she didn't have any gloves so I wouldn't let her so she just shoveled a bit instead.  After getting "freezing told" outside we came inside and made some hot cocoa with whip cream to warm us all up. Yum!
Ok, I was unable to get any action shots of Eden yet, but I'm still trying!  Instead I got a picture of her cute little "pose".  This is her version of sitting, she hasn't taken the time to ever really learn to sit because she just want to get down and get around so she does her little pose instead and I think it's just adorable.  Today she actually crawled over to me and pushed her self up to her knees on my leg!  She's going to be pulling up on things in no time, I think she is definatly going to be an early walker...look out world here she comes!

Crawling

In all the commotion that's been going on I've forgotten to post that Eden has started crawling.  She's been rolling all over the place for the past month and a half but now she's figured out her very own crawling style.  She dosn't do the traditional up on the hands and knees crawling, though I don't think it'll be long before she's doing that too, she does this sniper type crawl.  The crawl that snipers do though the grass in movies on their bellies, well she does that.  It's pretty cute.  I'll see if I can get some action shots later today.

Where to start...

So, it's only been 3 days since I've blogged but so much has happened in that time that I'm not sure where I should start.  I guess the beginning is the best place.  On Friday the 12th my little girl, Emi, turned 4.  Mauri came and picked her up and took her to play with Katelyn and Ellie for a few hours.  Ron actually got to come home at a semi decent time and after we dropped off his co worker, Donald, in Lehi we went to the Asian Buffet.  Emi wanted to go to the "sushi store" for dinner.  After dinner we went to Wal Mart and got...
Emi's new princess bike!!  She was so happy to get it and rode it all though the store while we did our shopping and even rode it out of the store back to the car.  She did get a little scared in the parking lot though when there was a car coming at her so she freaked out a little bit and ended up falling off of it, without injury though.

Saturday we had her party and had to run around and get all the stuff we needed for it during the day.  It was a nice party, the family and Mauri came and we had pizza because that's what Emi wanted.  She got lots of really nice presants, her favorite being the Tinkerbell art kit that her uncle Jeff and aunt Elise got for her.  She loves it so much that the watercolor paints that came in it are almost all gone!  She really likes her new clothes too, she got a really nice pair of pink cordory pants from her grandma Kathy that have some flowers embroidered on the bottom of one of the pant legs and another pair of leopard print pants from aunt Dannielle she's been alternating between the two of them since she got them.

Sunday,  I had really bad cramps, menstral type cramps but don't have my period. I've also been sooo tired.  I'm not really to sure what's going on but am hoping it's nothing serious.  But Ron and I watched the 4th season of Lost together (we actually started it saturday night) and it was great to get to see him.  He was working late all last week to meet a deadline and coming home between 12 and 2 every night/morning.  So we were only really seeing him for maybe 30-45 mins each day.  So it was really nice to cuddle up and spend time with him.

Monday, yesterday, started off like any other.  I still had really bad mestural type cramping and the girls were a bit wilder than usual, but I think they're getting cabin fever.  It's been really, really cold out and they haven't been able to go outside like they used to.  Ron got to come home at 7, it's so great getting him home again at normal times! The girls were crawling all over him and then I gave them a bath and put them to bed.  I then sent Ron to the store to get diapers.  

I started to get a feeling that something wasn't right after about 20 mins, I was just feeling really anxious so I called him.  His phone rang and rang and then it sounded like someone answered it and then hung up.  So I waited a little bit longer...after he was gone for an hour I really knew something was wrong.  I was thinking that he'd been in an accident  been hurt, all the millions of terrible things that could possibly happen to someone when they're driving at night on icy roads.  I started trying to call him again but his phone was turned off, just going straight to voice mail.  

Ok, trying to stay calm.  I went back down stairs with Eden and continued watching the movie I'd been watching and worry some more.  Then I heard my phone ringing up stairs and was sprinting up the stairs but wasn't able to get to it in time.  It was an unrecognizable 800 number and no message was left,weird.  Taking my phone I went back down stairs.  More movie watching and more worrying and lots of getting up and pacing.  About 1/2 an hour later another call from the mystery 800 number I answered it and a pre recorded voice was telling me that I had a collect call from an inmate at the correctional facility and would I accept a collect call from Ron O'Hara.  Unfortuantly I have a cell phone and was unable to accept.  But it gave me a number to call back.  I called the jail and they told me that Ron had been picked up on a warrant for driving without insurance (this is from right after we moved to utah and into the house in Lehi) and told me that he could be bailed out and what I needed to do.  

Ok, I enter full on freak out mode...trying to calm myself down I started calling around trying to find the van, being sure that it had been impounded.  Not having any success there I decided to start looking up bonds men.  I did a search on google and randomly picked a number and called the guy.  As I started to explain to him what was going on he was just like oh, yeah, I've been talking with him and you just need to come get him out, pay $100 and that would be that.  He told me that he'd tried to call me but had written down the wrong number...how crazy is it that out of all the bonds places google pulled up I just happened to call the one who Ron had been talking to! 

So, I need to get him out of jail.  I'm at home, with no car with 3 sleeping children.  Ok, call his mom  it goes straight to her voicemail, so I leave her a message telling her to call me back immediatly.  I'm sure I sounded pretty frantic despite my efforts to keep myself calm.  My thought processes wern't working so well, basically all that was going though my head was "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" over and over again.  It's like 10:30 at this time (I'd sent him out at 8:30) so I called Jeff, unfortunatly waking him up, so sorry about that Jeff!  But I'm glad that I called him, because then I found out that Kathy had left her phone at Utah Press that morning.  

She dosn't have her phone!!!???  Ok, pace around some more and wonder what in the world I'm going to do to get him home!!!  Get myself calmed down a bit and decide to call Tim and Dannielle to see if they have a number that I could call her at WesCorp with.  They don't but tell me that she should be getting off work soon and that they would go over to her house and wait for her to come home so that she could call me.  

5 mins after I get off the phone with them Kathy sends me an IM saying that she got my message what was going on.  I didn't find this out till after Ron got home but she had stopped at the grocery store on her way home from work to check her messages, Thank God!!! And Tim and Dannielle wern't even at her house yet.  So I told her what was going on and gave her the number of the bondsman so that she coud go and pick him up.  

Amazing woman that she is, drove though the snow to the jail in Provo and got him out! Drove him back to the wal mart, they didn't impound the car!!!  He bought diapers and got home about 2:30.  I am so greatful for so many things!  It could have been so much worse, because he had the warrant for the no insuarnce thing his license had been suspended but all the officer did was take him in on the warrant.  Didn't site him for driving on a suspended license or for the cars registration being expired and he didn't have the car impounded!  God bless him!  He got home and I hugged him just so thankful to have him home and that he was ok.  That I was able to get everything worked out and get him home.  That he hadn't been in an accident that he wasn't lying on the side of the road dead.

And thinking about it today I'm noticing all the little things that made it all work out.  Me calling him when I just knew something was going on, calling the right bondsman out of the 15 that google gave me numbers for, Kathy stopping at the grocery store on her way home from work to check her messages...all the little ways that the Lord made it alright, making the best out of a bad situation.  I couldn't be more greatful or thankful.

So, that brings us to today...today my grandmother died.  They say she was in no pain and resting peacefully.  I'm glad for that, she's been in so much pain this last little while.  I'm so glad that she could go without anymore suffering and that she's isn't in anymore pain.  It still hurts to know she's gone, and that I couldn't say goodbye or see her or tell her how much I love her one last time.  How much she ment to me and how much I was thankful to her for all her help raising my sister and I when my mom was working all the time.  I hope she knows that.

I've been saying thank you a lot recently, thank you too all my loved ones and family for all the help, love and support they've been givng me in these really hard times I've been going through recently.  Again, thank you to all my friends and family, to all my loved ones, Thank you!  I can't ever say thank you enough or express how much it means to me.

 

That brings

Gingerbread Waffles and Hot Chocolate sauce

Ok, I found the link to this recipe on another blog that I have been reading and it sounded wayyy to good not to share.  I plan on making it tomorrow morning, but as pancakes since I don't have a waffle iron.  I'll let you all know how it turns out.

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)

• 1 cup light molasses
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1 egg
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
•  
• 2 cups boiling water
• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons butter

DIRECTIONS

1. In a small saucepan, heat molasses and 1/2 cup butter until almost boiling. Remove from heat and let cool slightly. Stir in baking soda, milk and egg.
2. In a large bowl, sift together flour, ginger, cinnamon and salt. Make a well in the center and pour in the molasses mixture. Mix until smooth.
3. Spray preheated waffle iron with non-stick cooking spray. Pour mix onto hot waffle iron. Cook until golden brown. Serve hot with chocolate sauce.
4. To make chocolate sauce: In a saucepan, combine water, 1 cup sugar, cornstarch, cocoa powder and 1 teaspoon salt. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture comes to a boil. Remove from heat and add vanilla and 2 tablespoons butter; stir until smooth.

Numb

I've been feeling so numb the past couple of weeks.  I'm having to force myself to wirte today.  I kept meaning to do it yesterday and I sat down about 6 times to blog something but just couldn't bring myself to follow through with it.  There's so many things to do and I have so little energy.  Emi's 4th birthday party is on saturday and the house is nowhere near being ready for company.  I haven't unpacked a box in days.  

I've just been sitting here watching the world go on around me.  But I need to get this out, need to write it down.  I feel so alone.  I feel lost, I just don't know what to do anymore.  Ron's deadline is tomorrow, I'm hoping after that he'll be home.  Maybe that will help a bit?  Relieve some of the pressure?

Challenges

These 3 posters pretty much sum up the way I've been feeling this last little while.  Might as well get a laugh out of my troubles, right?  Thanks for posting the blooging poster, Mauri, it made me go look at their site and find these gems.

Cancer

I'm sure that most of you saw my post a few weeks ago on my friend Mauri's mom, Darla and her breast cancer.  Unfortunatly, she is not the only person that I know who is suffering with cancer.  My own grandmother, Sharron, also has cancer, liver and lung.  She's doing very badly and is going on hospice care.  She has sores all over her body from the chemo and is sleeping 20 hours out of the day.  

She's been pretty sick now off and on for years and I believe this is her second bout of cancer.  The Dr's tell my granpa that she only has maybe 3 or 4 more months.  I haven't seen her in something like 14 years.  Since we moved away from Florida when I was 14.  She was a second mother to my sister and I when we were growing up.  She took care of us when my mom was working 2 jobs to support us.  She lived right down the street from us and I used to walk there on sunday mornings to go to church with my aunt Sherry.

It's killing me that she's dying and I'm not going to be able to see her again before she goes.  

Protect our Children...from underware?!?

Ok, so there are a lot of times when I have a hard time fitting in in Utah.  It's not always easy being a liberal from California in an ultra conservative state.  But nothing has been quite as confusing, or well, confusing as what I happened to see on saturday in front of university mall has me baffeled beyond belief.  A protest, now that in itself isn't so weird but I expected it to be about gay marriage or perhaps some political thing I don't know about but no...

Here were some of the signs they were carrying "Protect our children" ok, so I'm thinking, yeah protect our children, what are we protecting our children from?  

"Honk for decency" ok, where's the indecency we're to be protecting from?

And then I saw the sign that explained it all "Boycott Victoria's Secret"

What!?!  Did I miss something?  When did people start crusading against underware?  My only problem with victoria's secret is that they don't carry my size bras, but other than that...protect our children...from underware?!

What's so indecent about underware, from what do we need to protect our children?  The bras or the panties or wait maybe it's the pajamas?  I'm so cunfused!

6 months old!

I know I'm a couple of days late posting this but this lovely young lady above you just turned 6 months old on Tuesday!

Working though it

I've been feeling pretty down these past few days.  Again, me being overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done and of course here I am on the computer blogging instead of unpacking or organizing my house like I should.  Moving is so stressful, but I've really got to get everything in order for Emi's birthday party next weekend.  My little girl is turning 4, I can't believe it!

I think I'm defintaly going through with drawls from not having my celexa this past week.  I thoght it would be fine not to take it  for a week or so.  But I'm really starting to notice some side effects from not having it.  I have no energy and I'm lethargic I've also had an almost constant head ache this past week.  And today I've been having these electric shock kinda feelings.  I can also feel my mood declining.  I'm starting to get that feeling of hopelessness again.  But with nothing really to feel hopeless about...

I'm feeling pretty isolated here.  I met a few of my neighbors and they're really nice, especially, my new next door neighbor.  She has a little girl named Gentry who's 3.  I just need to work up the energy to go and visit.  Sometimes making new friends is so tiring.  Which is such a strange thing for me to say, I love to meet new people.  I'm a very socialble girl, usually.  I just want my old friends right now, people I don't have to explain things to, people who already know me.  It all is just so exhausting, I don't even have the energy/will to reach out.

Annie and Eden are sleeping right now so I'm going to go and spend some one on one time with Emi.  I feel like I've been a terrible mother to her this last little while, it just feels like I'm always yelling at her, always angry with her.  I need to breathe and just let somethings go...she's into EVERY thing all the time.  

Ugh

I do not feel good today.  My head is killing me...time for another nap.

Tender Mercies

I just read a post today on another blog that I follow about Tender Mercies. I've never heard of these before but think they are my new favorite thing. I've been sitting here thinking about them all day and noticing/realizing them all, all the ones I've had over the past month or so when I thought I was going to lose it.

For those of you who don't know, tender mercies, are what the mormons refer to, as Stephanie put it, mini miracles. Most of the time they seem like coincidences that lift us up in some way or other. Small boosts that keep us going, that let us know that we are loved. Words of encouragement from a friend or hearing a song that lifts your heart when you're down.

I think these are wonderful things and I am starting to feel so very greatful for them this past few months. I've been going over a list of them in my head all day and again just wanted to say thank you too a few people.

Most especially, Jeff and Elise, for being so very great to us, for taking us into your home and letting us stay with you and invade on your space. For borrowing the trailer form Jeff's work so that we could use it to move, for helping us pack and haul it all into it, for storing the trailer at your house and driving it to the new one and helping us unpack it. For having Matt and Meg come and help out. For just being you. Even though Annie broke Elise's cell phone and the girls somehow broke their wedding picture frame some time when I wasn't looking. You guys are most definatly one of my tender mercies!

To Kathy, Dannielle, Tim and Katie, for helping me pack when I was so overwhelmed by everything and coming back again to help us move out. To Kathy, for hosting Thanksgiving dinner and bringing toys over to Jeff and Elise's house for the girls, for going to wal mart and buying diapers for me when I ran out

To Jodi, for getting me out of my head and letting me come craft with her. For driving to pick me up and help her and for being a good friend.

To Mauri for being such a good friend and neighbor. I'm really going to miss having you right next door.

To my mom and sister who are always there for me.

And to all my friends who have given me words of encouragement and support these last few months when I have really needed them.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all!!

I hope I haven't left anyone out. I love you all!

Back online!

Phew, I am FINALLY back online!! It has been a crazy week and a half, that's for sure. We moved out last saturday after we were again woken up by the broker and our former landlord, Jason, at 8:30 in the morning and them again telling us that they wanted us out that day. So Ron's family came over and we packed up the trailer and got out. The broker also got us a storage unit, that we didn't end up needing and gave us $300 for a hotel that we also didn't need. So we took that money and took all our little helpers out for sushi at this really awesome place called Sushi Ya.

We stayed with Jeff and Elise unitl we were able to move in to the new place. We moved all our stuff in on Wed night and unpacked mostly on thanksgiving while we smoked our turkey. We had Thanksgiving dinner over at Ron's mom's house. So that's everything in a nut shell.

So here we are in the new house. I'll post some pictures soon. It's not so bad, it's an older house but I kind of like that. I don't have to worry about my kids trashing things or breaking anything. Anyway, I'll post more later, I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on things.

Ambush

I was ambushed this morning by both our landlord, Jason and the broker on the house.  The broker came by early this morning, we were all still in bed it must have been about 8:30.  Knocking on the door really loud and ringing the door bell.  When no one responded, he let himself in!  Apparently, the house is closing on monday and they want to send cleaners over tomorrow and the new owners for a walk through and they want us out...tomorrow.

I called our new landlord, Dan, and they're moving though the weekend.  They'll be sleeping at the house tonight and at their new place on sat.  So we can move on monday.  Ron wants us to pack up Jeff's trailer and move mon-tues and stay though the weekend.  

My head hurts, I'm tired and the girls have been insane the past couple of days and Eden woke up this morning not feeling good with a fever.  My prospects are darkening quickly.

Greatful!!

I'm am so very greatful today for Ron's family.  His mom, Kathy, his sister Dannielle and her husband Tim came over this morning and helped me pack.  All of us got done in 2 hours what it would have taken me 2 days to do on my own.  I can't thank them enough!!

So I'm feeling much better today, still really stressed out.  But mostly all the packing is done.  I just need to go though the stuff in the garage and the clothing and thats about it.  We'll be calling the new landlord tomorrow to find out when we can move in.  

I'm really going to miss this neighborhood.  All the girls little friends all my friends.  I'm not going to miss living 15 mins from the freeway though.  I know this is all for the best.

New name

It is my duty to inform you all that Emis' name "is not just Emi anymore, it's Tinkerbell".  Change is effective immediatly.  

Fitness update.

Oops, sorry I forgot to add my exercise update.  I finished off last week solo and started week three yesterday.  This week is pilates and resistance training.  I didn't get up as early as I usually do to work out so the girls were there with me.  Emi calls it playing the exercise game and Annie just tries to crawl all over me when I'm on the floor.  

But I'm getting it done and still going.  It makes me feel really good about myself to actually be doing something about getting back in shape.  So 9 more weeks to a more fabulous me!!

Tuesday morning...

It's been a couple of days since my last post, everyday I've ment to write but it's just seemed like it was an insurmountable task.  There's just been so much going on that I've just kinda needed some quite time.  Not that I've gotten any.

Last weekend my neighbor and good frined Mauri, her sister Jenna and their mom Darla walked in the 3 day 60 mile walk for the cure in Arizona.  My thoughts were on them and their journey all weekend.  From their blog posts and the pictures it really looks like it was a truly amazing experience, with lots of pink everywhere and lots of support from the community.  You guys are amazing and I love you!

My landlord called me again yesterday, but Ron says I'm not to talk to him and if he comes to the house I'm to tell him "I don't know" to everything.  He wants $3,000 from us and told me that the house will be closing either the 26th or something.  It's a good thing we found a new home, I just don't know that our new house will be ready in time.  I still haven't seen it and it makes me a little nervous.  I'm sure it's fine but it's kinda weird to move into some place you've never seen.

Ugh, it just feels that there's so much to do and so little time to do it all in.  Ron's been working till 9 every night for the past few weeks.  So I've had little help with the girls, they're in bed and sleeping when he gets home.  I need to get all the packing done.

I guess Ron is right, I have no coping skills, I just get so overwhelmed when everything comes at me all at once.

It's done...

Ron went and signed the contract this morning...we have a place.  The owners are closing on their new house the 19th or 20th.  So it looks like we're going to be moving the weekend after Thanksgiving.

I'm feeling totally mixed emotions about this whole move, I'm glad that we've finally found somewhere and I don't have to look anymore, I'm glad to be moving out of the middle of nowhere and somewhere closer to everything and that isn't so windy all the time.  But I'm sad to leave my friends, I had my little niche here.  The girls will be sad about leaving their friends, as well and we're going to be further away from the family.

Everything happens for a reason, so I'm just hoping that good things come from this move.  I really dislike moving and just wish it was all over already...I haven't even seen the new house.  I hope I like it.

Finally, good news!

I finally have some good news, can you believe it?  Last night while Ron was driving home he got a phone call and it was a man giving us a house!  Well not giving it to us but going to rent it to us, so woo hoo!  I don' t have to look anymore.  

Now I haven't actually seen this house, Ron went and looked at it by himself on his way to work last week but he says it's nice.  It's 4 plus brs and has a craft/work room too.  It's a rambler type house with a half finished basement, I think...like I said I haven't seen it so don't know for sure.  Ron is going to sign the contract on Friday and I'm hoping that I'll get a chance to look at.  Then I'll be able to post some better details for you all.

Oh, yeah, we'll now be moving the beginning of Dec.  It's available on the 1st and it's in Orem.

Susan G. Koman

Ok, my good friend Mauri's mother, Darla,  has stage 4 breast cancer.  It has spread from her breast to her liver, lungs and throughout her bones.  Mauri, her sister, Jenna and Darla are doing a 3 day 60 mile walk for the cure, this weekend in Arizona.  They are asking for donations, if you can, please, donate whatever you can to this amazing foundation.  Please click here even if it's only $5 every little bit helps!

Breast cancer will affect all of our lives in one way or another, each year 200,000 women in the U.S alone are diagnosed with breast cancer, that's approximately 1 in 8 women.  Early detection and treatment has increased the number of survivors but still more than 40,000 women each year die from this disease.

So, everyone, please, do what you can.  Thank you!

Week 2

Phew, today Mauri and I started week 2 of the 12 week program on my exercise dvd and man let me just tell you it kicked my butt.  I definatly need some new shoes, my feet were hurting me quite a bit.  So anyway, week 2 is floorwork, which is core ab work and I didn't really have a hard time with that but the second interval is kickboxing an man let me tell you that is some pretty intense stuff!!  But we did it and we're 11 weeks away from fabulous!!

Unfortunatly, Mauri is going to be leaving me on wednesday and I'm going to be going it alone for 2 weeks :(.  But I can do it!  Mauri is going to Arizona with her mom and along with her sister Jenna they will be doing a 3 day 60 mile walk for breast cancer.  For those of you who don't know Mauri's mom, Darla, has breast cancer right now.  She is amazing and is truly and wonderful person.  So lets all send them our thoughts, prayers and any other good energy you've got!

Dragging...

So I'm feeling pretty weighted down today, emotionally.  So I thought I would post some inspiring quotes and say thank you to my friends and family who have left such loving encouraging comments...you are very appreciated!

"Whenever you feel the need or wish to cheer yourself, think about all of the good qualities of those who are around you-the energy of one, for instance, the modesty of another, the generosity of a third, and some other gift of a fourth.  For nothing is ever so cheering as the images of the qualities shining though in the character of those who live with us...Have these images then ever before your eyes."

-Marcus Aurelius

" Friendships multiply joys and divide griefs."

-Thomas Fuller

"No one has a right to consume happiness without producing it"

-Helen Keller

Ok so these are my inspiring thoughts to live up to today.  Hope that they might give some of you others some inspiration as well.

Winter is here.

It feels like winter is finally here.  It's been really cold the past couple of days and we had a snow storm on tuesday night there was at least 3 inches.   It all pretty much melted yesterday but there's a few lingering patches.  It's been in the 20-30's the past couple of days, I don't know when I'm going to get used to this cold weather, hopefully sooner rather than later.

I'm still feeling pretty stressed out by everything.  I had a migraine last night and it was awful, I could feel it coming on as we went to Wal Mart.  By the time we got home it was pretty much full blown.  I took some sleeping pills and went to bed at 8:30.  I'm still feeling pretty off this morning, fuzzy headed and my head is still achey.  I just want to crawl back in bed and go to sleep.  But of course being mom I had to get up and face the day, no matter how crappy I feel.

Eden is really amazing me, the child is going to be crawing in a week or 2.  She's just turned 5 months and already she's ready to crawl.  She's getting up and rocking back and forth on her hands and knees and she's been lunging herself forward...it's definatly time to get the baby gates out.  

Emi has been in helper mode and wants to be "a good girl and a good helper for mommy".  She of course still has her moments but she's been very helpful around the house this past week.  She's also been helping Beeba with alot of things.  She's very sweet going around telling us all she loves us all the time and cuddling in our laps.  She's getting so big, I can't belive she's about to turn 4.  She says that she wants to get her ears pierced for her birthday, I've told her that it's going to hurt, but she wants to do it.  I'm hoping that I can find some place that'll do both ears at the same time.  My sister, Ginette, was 5 when she got hers done and they did one side and she didn't want anymore of it, it took us a whole week to convince her to go and get the other side done.

Annie want's to be a princess.  One of Emi's favorite games is to run away from "the Beeba monster".  Beeba is afraid of monsters and she's been coming to me all upset saying "my no monster, my princess".  We've weaned her off of the pheonbarbitol and I've got my fingers crossed that there are no more seizures.  I think she has night terrors, she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night.  She's awake but she just screams and cries for a really long time.  It's very difficult to get her calmed down again.  She usually ends up in bed with me most nights, it's a very rare night that she dosn't.

Cold, wet and rainy

And that's just the weather.  So Ron told me this morning that we need to move immediately.  So, I'm back to looking for a new home, with little enthusiam, actually, with none at all.  Everything is such a mess right now.  

Ron says that we're not going to pay the landlord nothing, but then I'm afraid that if we do that that he's going to take us to court for it.  The whole not paying rent thing sounded like a good idea at the time but now I'm not so sure.  I really don't know what Jason was talking about in his letter saying that if we didn't give him 30 days notice before we moved that we'd be responsible for the rent until the place was rent again...they're trying to do a quick sale on the house so it dosn't go into foreclosure, there won't be another renter!  I called the broker on the house yesterday too to find out what was going on and he told me that there's been an offer on the house that he's advised them to take but I guess they're having some problems with their second mortgage company.

Quote of the day:

Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark."

~Rabindranath Tagore

More Rain...

We recieved a letter in the mail today from our "landlord" saying:

That he hasn't recieved any rent for the months of sept or oct.  He wants $1570 for sept and $1420 for oct.  And that it has "come to his attention that we are looking for new residence" and as per the rental agreement that we signed we must give 30 days notice prior to vacating the property or we'll be responsible for the rent until at which time the property is leased again.

Splendid...

Quote of the Day.

"Happiness consists not in having much, but in being content with little."

-Countess of Blessington

I have no idea who she was but I found her quote on the bottom of my box of tea and thought it appropriate.  I also find it interesting that she is the countess of Blessington...

I'm trying to remain positive and not let it all pull me under.

When it rains it pours...

More bad news, I'm afraid...Ron checked his bank account on saturday morning and we were negative $100.  Apparently the IRS cleaned out his account, about $3,000.  I don't know why they took the money, I don't know how much more they want but I do know that they want more.  He called them this morning and was talking to them for awhile.  He won't tell me what's going on.  He's supposed to get paid on thursday but his bank account is frozen, so that's not really going to do us any good and I don't know how long it's going to stay frozen.  He has direct deposit and I'm afraid that once his pay check gets deposited in they're just going to take that too.

I thought it was for arrears in child support that they were taking it but he says no.  So I have no idea what's going on and am of course totally freaking out. I'm really hoping that we've got some time before the house forecloses cause we no longer have the money to move with.  Chocolate dosn't seem to be helping this problem any, at all.

Fitness update:  Mauri and I started out post natal boot camp this morning and we were working it.  I think we both did quite well, especially considering how out of shape I am.  I also did it yesterday...probably not such a good idea...now knowing that you're supposed to take a day off in between work outs.  So, now I am extremely sore, everywhere!  

Let's Get Physical!!

Ok, my friends, I have finally made the decision to do something about losing all this post partum weight I've been carrying around since I had Emi, almost 4 years ago.  Yesterday I bought 3 work out videos off of www.babysteals.com they had a set of 3 of them for $20 something dollars 55% off the $50 something they would normally cost.  So I bought them, they're by Lindsay Brin and they're called moms into fitness, www.momsintofitness.com, and I now have core fitness for moms, post natal boot camp, and boot camp 2.  

All 3 of them arrived in the mail today, to my great joy and I immediatly ran inside and did a 30 min workout, not so easy to do with a 3 year old and 2 year old trying to crawl all over me the whole time.  But I did it and it felt great!  There was a warm up and then some core training and then I did a cool down.  The plan is that I'm going to start getting up in the morning and doing this, when the kids arn't around.  My friend Mauri is going to come over and work out with me as well.

Unfortunatly, Ron isn't as supportive of me as I would like him to be.  He dosn't think that I ever follow though with anything.  He dosn't think that I'll stick with it and actually lose the weight, when I told him he just said "good luck" in a sarcastic kind of way.  But I can do this and I will, I lost 15 lbs last year before Elise's wedding and that was without exercising.  

So, I can do it again!  I'm tired of being fat, I feel ugly when I'm fat and I am tired of feeling this way!  Exercise is also supposed to help with depression and I could definatly use some help in that department, it's also supposed to give you more energy and I think every mom could use that!

I will keep you all posted on my progress, wish me luck!!

8 Things

Ok, so I've been tagged, by Jeff and Elise 

8 Things I'm passionate about:

1.  My family & friends

2.  Equal rights for EVERY person

3.  Reducing my impact on the planet

4.  Reading

5.  www.babysteals.com

6.  knitting

7.  trying to keep my house clean

8.  losing weight!!

8 Words or Phrases I use often:

1.  NO!!

2. Be nice to your sister!

3. Put that back

4.  eat you dinner

5.  I love you too!

6.  you're welcome

7.   in a minute

8.  thank you

8 Things I Have Learned From the Past:

1.  Honesty really is the best policy

2.  Don't care what other people think, Be yourself

3.  Everything happens for a reason

4.  Time really does fly, especially when you have children

5.  It's important to have alone time every once in awhile

6.  Life is to short to hold grudges

7.  Sometimes you just need to cry

8.  Chocolate can fix most of lifes problems

8 Places I Want to go or See:

1.  Scotland

2.  Ireland

3.  Thailand

4.  Tahiti

5.  Prince Edward Island

6.  Vegas

7.  Canada

8.  Eden, Utah ;)

8 Things I Currently Need or Want:

1.  A camera, a real one and not just my phone

2.  A sewing machine

3.  My own home

4.  Another car

5.  A jetted tub

6.  More patience

7.  To visit my friend Carolyn

8.  See my Mommy

Ok, that's it I tag Mauri and Brittney!

Crystal Cave

Ok, I can't take credit for finding this, Ron did and he's got it up on his blog but it was so incredibly cool that I had to put it up on mine.  Everyone needs to see this it is so amazing, a cave of huge crystals was found under a desert in Mexico...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1081072/Pictured-The-Cave-Crystals-discovered-1-000ft-Mexican-desert.html

Sigh

I'm feeling much better today, thanks for your encouraging words, Natalie and Mauri and thank you for letting me vent at you and my wild, crazy children run around the yard with yours.  I got some cleaning done and my outlook is much better today than yesterday.  I'm hoping to get much more cleaning done today and then all should be well in my little domain...

My girls are crazy!

My girls are crazy, they're terrors.  I love them but serioulsy they are terrors, today there is shredded cheese all over my kitchen floor as well as a bunch of  clothes that Emi decided would be fun to throw down the stairs.  My cleaner is spilled all up the stairs, and a bag of trash that I had picked up has been strewn all over the living room.

I can't keep my house clean, I don't know what to do.  I'm seriously going crazy, I can't make them calm down.  As soon as I'm doing something they destroy something else.  

I'm feeling like a total failure as a mother.

Insanity!

Ok, first the promised picture of my work of art...ok so maybe it's not all that great but I was proud of it.  I must also say that the pumpkin has since met with an unfortunate accident, the assailant shall remain nameless, and is now missing the middle piece.  My it rest in pieces...

And I just want to know who decided that black icing would be a good idea?

As I said before we were offered that very nice house in Provo today...but now Ron dosn't think that it's such a great idea that we take it.  He thinks that we should stay here till we're forced out so that we can save up as much money as we can towards a down payment on a house.  He thinks that it could take up to 6 months for them to make us move out...it all makes me very anxious.  I don't like being in unstable situations, I don't function all to well.  

I do see where he's coming from and from a certian point it does make a lot of sense.  His reasoning being that if we do turn down the house and are forced out before we have something lined up with a purchase than we can just go and live in his sisters basement for a week or two.  Which I'm sure is true, I don't think she'd turn us out on the street, but...

Busy weekend...

So we had a pretty busy weekend here...something going on everyday and I'm pretty worn out!  But we got the rest of the pictures of the girls from Mauri and they turned out great.

Emi and Kaitlyn, best friends!

So saturday, we went and looked at some houses and then I helped Mauri and her mom set up Kaitlyn's surprise birthday party, then of course there was the party.  We had a good time, we had pink sandwiches for dinner.  Lehi bakery will make bread for you in any color you want it, even rainbow swirl.  So we had pink bread because Kaitlyn wanted everthing pink, so there were pink streamers and pink plates and pink cupcakes and pink balloons and pink ice cream and pink plates and napkins pink utensils, just pink, pink, pink...everywhere you looked there was pink.

Sunday we went over to the Lane's for dinner and pumpkin carving (uncle Jeff's parents).  We had pot roast for dinner and then there was cake and pumpkin carving.  It was the first time I've ever really tried my hand at carving and I have to say I didn't do to bad, for a first time hmm I forgot to take a picture of it so I'll take one and post it later.  We also went and looked at the Halloween roof there in their neighborhood.  There's this guy who has all these amazing halloween decorations that he's made over the years that he puts up on his roof.  They really funny and cute.  No, pictures of that either, what am I thinking, I'm turning out to be a terrible blogger!

Then today, we got a call back from the lady with the house in Provo and we got it!  Now that we've actually got a place a whole new set of stresses has set in.  Actually, having to face moving, I'm glad we've got someplace to go so we don't get kicked out on the street and have not place to go but I'm really going to miss this neighborhood.  I love my neighbors and I have friends here and Emi has frineds here.  It's really bringing me down.  Then there's just the basic anxiety of moving in the first place, moving always makes me anxious.  

It's a really nice house it's 6brs and it has a fireplace in the living room which I'm always a big fan of.  And there's another fire pit in the back yard and the back yard is fenced in and it's got a lot of nice shade trees and it's only 5 mins from Ron's work.  All good things...the bad, it dosn't have a dishwasher, hopefully we'll be able to do something about that and it's far away from my friends :(.

Trunk or Treat!!!

Tonight was trunk or treat at the church, the girls were so excited.  Emi even took a nap in honor of the occasion, in her costume!  For those of you who don't know what trunk or treating is, everyone goes and parks their cars in the church parking lot and opens their trunks and the kids go around to each car and get candy.  It's really great when your kids are young, and much safer than walking the streets.

So before the evening festivites we had a little photo shoot in the field next to our house, the photographer being, Mauri with her fancy new camera!  Thank you sooo much, Mauri, you really got some awesome pictures!!  She just sent me this one tonight, just to give us all a little taste of what was to come!  Hope you enjoy, we sure did!

My 3 little angels!

Today was a happy day, aunt Lindsay finished making Emi and Annies' costumes and drove them down to us all the way from Wyoming!  Lindsay, you're totally awesome and we love you!!  Anyway, Emi is tinker bell and Annie is a little princess.  The costumes turned out just amazing, these pictures don't even do them justice, I wish I had a real camera :(.  But you can get the general idea of the cuteness.

Emi's tinker toes, Lindsay, used her hot glue gun to attach some of the green skirt fabric to a pair of ballet flats that Emi had and then glued the pom poms on.  Pretty cute, huh?

Emi being a puty little fairy because aunt Lindsay told her to put down the fabric on her vest that she was holding in her hand, while she had said hand in mouth.  Life is so tough when you're a fairy...

Pretty princess, Annie!  It's all washed out because of my inferior camera...but she looked so happy and cute!

Here they are together, Annie has sparkly gold ballet flats that Lindsay found at wal mart that go perfectly.

Ok, so Lindsay didn't make this one but it sure is a cute little love bug!

And she sure is a happy little bug!

My girls

I've been thinking a lot about my children recently, so thought I would write about them for today.  They're growing up so fast and turning into their own little people, it really is crazy how time flies.  I know everyone always says that but you really seem to notice it even more when you have children.  I'm sure even when they're all grown and have children of their own I'll still remember them as my babies.  So in no particular order, my girls...

Annie is getting so big, she just turned 2 and loves to dress up and be a "prin says".  She's talking so good now and putting together sentences, it's so funny cause you can see her thinking about what she wants to say and there are these pauses between her words.  She's still very much a mama's girl and still won't sleep in her bed a full night, I can here her waking up and running down the hall everynight to get in bed with me.  She's so sweet with her hugs and "tisses" and usually I wake up to her smilling at me and saying "I, luff, you, mama" and "uh tuddle, me" and she'll take my arms and wrap them around her.  But boy does she have a temper!  And she's so loud with it, she's definatly very much 2 and throws tantrums regularly.

And here's little Eden, she's getting so big so fast, but is still so small.  She's almost 5 months old and is swallowed up by her 3-6 month clothes.  She is such a sweety she has been the calmest and most mellow baby.  She's already rolling across the room and getting her toys, trying to eat anything she can get her hands on.  She's still a fuzz head and I'm not quite sure what the color of her hair is going to be but she's going to be fair like me.  Both Emi and Annie have their dads complexion, so it's nice to finally have a fair baby.  And such a smiley, smiley girl, she's always smilling and she love to suck on her index and middle fingers, it's soo cute!

And here we have the "big" sister, Emi!  She's very much the big sister.  Always telling Beeba what to do and yelling at her, being a little mommy.  She has such and imagination, she wants to grow wings and fly and live in a pink castle with hearts on it.  She just needs to "push it out of her head" first.  She is such a little fashionista, she changes her clothes at least 5 times a day and wants to always wear dresses.  I can't believe she's almost 4.  She loves to sing and dance and carry around her baby sister.  Her aunt Lindsay made her a tinker bell cosutme for halloween and she can't wait till she gets it.  I don't know if I'm ever going to get her out of it once she gets it tomorrow!

And so there you have it, my girls :)

Feeling a little blue today...

I've recently started reading this blog called 'A Daily Scoop', it was recommended to me by my sister in law, Elise.  I have to tell you this woman's strengh is amazing, I can't imagine having to go though what she has in the past 4 months.

Her daughter, Camille, who was 14 months old, drown in their hot tub in their back yard 5 days after they'd had it installed.  She died on June 15th.  They hadn't gotten the fence put up yet and the locking cover they had for it had broken a few days before she drown in a wind storm, and somehow the baby got outside...tragic how your whole life and change in an instant.

And it's truly amazing how absolutely sure in her faith she is.  She is a devout mormon and has been her whole life and has been using her faith to hold her and sustain her.  For her it is a certianty that she will be reunited with her Camille in heaven.  I am turly amazed by her...

And find myself wondering how I would survive something like that, losing one of my girls, every mothers' worst nightmare.  And I don't know how I would pull myself though it, what would I cling to, me, who has no particular faith that I'm fully invested in.  How would I overcome such a tragady?

You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.

Friday night, movie night

We spent our friday night on our couch (the best place to be) watching Pride and Prejudice, even Ron!

Beeba used daddy for a bed

But then she wanted to "hold it, babee stister"

Emi wanted to lay on daddy, too

Time for nite nite

Dust if you must

I got this e mail from my sister in law and my friend Jodi and thought it was so great I would share it with everyone :).  

Remember...a layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it.

'A house becomes a home when you can write 'I love you' on thefurniture.'

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just perfect - 'in case someone came over' 

Finally I realized one day that no-one came over; they were all out living life and having fun!
NOW,when people visit,I don't have to explain the 'condition' of my home

They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away living life and having fun.

If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it!
Dust if you must .......

but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter, bake cookies or a cake and lick the spoon or plant a seed, ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there's not much time . . . .

with beer to drink , rivers to swim and mountains to climb, music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead. 

Dust if you must, but the world's out there with the sun in your eyes,the wind in your hair,a flutter of snow, a shower of rain.This day will not come around, again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,old age will come and it's not kind. . .

And when you go - and go you must - you, yourself will make more dust!

It's not what you gather,but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

So, now all I need to do is apply this to my own life and everything will be great!